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Its Never the Right Season for Death

A former coworker of mine named Kevin was cut off by an unknown driver who fled the scene as Kevin ended up rolling his 4-Runner into a metal guardrail.

He died last night around 9:30p.

To say I’m upset is an understatement. I’m in complete and utter shock. I’m speechless. And as much as I want to cry because he’s gone, I feel like because of our estrangement I shouldn’t be allowed to. I’ll be the first to admit that Kevin and I were never the best of friends, especially after he separated from the company. I absolutely adore his girlfriend, Jacqueline, but didn’t approve of some things he may or may not have done in their relationship. And yes, Kevin got on my nerves from time to time yet, I did like the man. He was one of the guys at work who went out of his way to make me laugh and attempted to get on my good side so that I would like him. Dare I say that he succeeded at work and outside of work on many occasions because he was just that kind of person. He was unapologetic and I did admire him for that. The last I saw of Kevin was at our work banquet where he was goading our friend Bri into taking Blow Job shots and jeering when she failed. I have video of it.

Kevin’s Facebook is currently being inundated with thoughts and prayers and memories. I have talked to a few of my coworkers already and everyone is heartbroken. What I cannot stop thinking about however, is how Jacqueline is doing. Every time I talk to her at work, she speaks mostly of him and the love in her voice is palpable. If we are feeling terrible at this time, I cannot even fathom the pain she must be enduring. I left her a message just like everyone else and I don’t expect any sort of reply, but I hope she understands that we all mean it when we say we’ll be there for her. We have our company holiday party tonight and Kevin was supposed to attend with Jacqueline. Though I don’t know who was planning to meet up with the couple, it’s with a heavy heart that we now be there without them in these circumstances.

I am not a praying person and I am not one to believe in a better place. But I am one who knows that our memories of an individual are what continue to live on after they are gone. Kevin definitely left a lot of memories behind. If there’s anything I’ve learned after working with the company for almost three years, it’s that it leaves you with more friends and acquaintances than you know what to do with. Should there be a memorial, there will doubtlessly be a large crowd there with much love and remembrance.


Stop the spinning of the wheels!

I feel way fucked up this morning. I don't know if I'm just way too keyed up or if I'm just dwelling on things I shouldn't dwell on. Its like my mind keeps moving. I can't seem to stop it.

I think I just added an extra thing to stress myself out about. It's the banquet I have to plan, my grad school applications, the money I don't have in the bank, the vacations that aren't fully vacations that I have coming up--all of it keeps freaking me out. Nevermind that I had a great weekend and slept it all off last night. I just feel like there's something really wrong at the moment.

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I miss my LiveJournal life.

[poke poke]

\\ I'm here! I swear I'm still here! Things are crazy hectic at the moment with work and my family and graduation on Friday. There's grad school decisions and stressful moments and tear-filled anxiety attacks. There's too much nagging and too little sleep and too many emotions. But all shall be explained soon!


Oh, Disneyland.

I did not think they would get this going this quickly... Look out below!

Captain EO returns on Feb. 23

On Tuesday, Feb. 23, the 3D musical adventure Captain EO is returning to the Tomorrowland theater in which it debuted. While it's not possible to replicate some special effects elements from the original presentation, it will boast a new 70mm print of the film, and it will sound better than ever thanks to acoustic enhancements made to the theater since the film last played there in 1997.


I feel like I don't say it enough... I always take for granted how amazing my parents really are. My father and mother have been working for as long as I've been alive in order to make my life--and my brother's--go as smoothly as possible. I know that we butt heads a lot, especially my mother and I, but I really feel like I haven't given them the true credit they deserve. I feel like I've been so material my entire life and that I just keep taking and taking and taking from them without giving back. I have never wanted for anything because of them. They took out loans and second mortgages and did everything they possibly could to make sure my brother and I went through undergrad without having to be burdened with student loans ourselves. They didn't want us to graduate with that debt hanging over our heads. They paid for us to live in dorms and apartments. They pay for our cellphones and our insurance (health and otherwise). They pay for my gas in order for me to commute to work and school and any where else I want to go. They paid for my first car and when that was totaled, they paid for my replacement. They covered my shoulder surgery, my contacts and glasses for my shitty eyesight, and every prescription I've ever had to fill.

To this day my parents keep a roof over my head and food on my plate. They've always told my brother and I that no matter what happens in our lives, we can always come home and stay for however long it takes to get where we feel we need to be. They didn't flinch when I told them I was probably going to be with them for an indefinite amount of time and they couldn't fathom why I was thanking them for letting me stay here. At the same time, they understand that I'll have to branch out on my own eventually and they are doing what they can to make that happen for me, not themselves (if that makes any sense, whatsoever). My father bought me a camcorder to jump start my creativity and has been passing around my resume more than I've been applying for jobs myself. My mother has been saving her pension and retirement money in order to send me on a graduation trip that I keep telling her is not necessary because that money is hers. There is so much more that they've done and that they continue to do for me...and I feel like "I love you" will never be enough to express how much I appreciate the woman they've made me.

This didn't just come out of nowhere... My participation in The Vagina Monologues has brought out a side of me that I wasn't expecting to surface. It's the beginning of hell week for us and we took an hour out of rehearsal tonight to talk to each other about what was going on in our lives. The women in the show with me are these amazing and exceptional people that I never would have met had I not made the commitment to this show. They've made it possible for me to take a step back and reevaluate my life and just breathe for the first time in forever. There's been so much stress in my life these past few months and I've been feeling horrible emotionally for a long time. It's not to say that I've made a change over night just because of my involvement with these women and this movement, but I feel like I've definitely taken a step in the right direction. My life is not meant to be easy or perfect in any way, shape, or form and to come to this realization may seem cliche or late in the game, but it's a big move for me in terms of where my head was at and where it is now. It's for this reason that I feel like I'm finally ready to put my all into the shows that we have coming up this Valentine's Day weekend and I'm so thankful for my friends and coworkers who are taking the time to support me in it. I'm nervous. I'm really, really nervous. But it's going to be good.

I miss my brother... Even though he's a jerk who won't answer his phone or call me back so I can tell him this. But, yeah...I miss him a lot.

PS... I suddenly love John Mayer like something fierce.


It's been a long time coming to this.

The Journal Formerly Known as funnypandachick... After almost 8 years of being funnypandachick, I decided to grow up a little bit and change it to the screen name that I use regularly now. I find that it's more indicative of who I am. Besides, funnypandachick never finished anything--including the 30 days meme--and I want to change that with classicalhllywd.

I woke up in 2010 with a different outlook on my life... I'm not saying that on the morning of January 1st I jumped out of bed and changed my whole life, but rather it's been something particularly gradual. I feel that I've got a nice grasp on what I want to do in this next year. While in Seattle visiting Mark I realized that I was on the fast track to doing nothing with my life in comparison to the success of my older brother. So, I updated my resume and sent it out to a chunk of job listings I found online. My dad also took it and handed it to friends of friends in the industry and the art department at his office. I've gotten a lot of "nothing now, but we'll keep you in mind," but I consider that a giant step forward from just sitting on my ass. And while I'm happy that I had returned to Disneyland in the last year, I am actually ready to leave by my own volition this time. No pressure from my family. No pressure from issues at school. It's going to be my own decision and I'm going to have the closure from that part of my life that I want.

I met a guy... Well, sort of. So, I caved an created an EHarmony account because it's not like online dating has that much of a stigma anymore. Over the New Year the site allowed users to communicate for free and I took advantage of it. Funny thing was that the guy that I ended up talking to in the end wasn't someone I really considered. He gave me his email though--he didn't have a paid account either--and we sent things back and forth every day for about two weeks before we traded numbers. We text everyday now and we're planning on meeting up soon. He's younger than me by about a year, graduating this year in film production, and currently shadowing the director of this independent action film. He seems to have all his shit together which I would have not expected from someone like him, so that goes to show that people can really surprise you. I hope things continue down this road because he seems really great. Plus, he meets all the criteria on my list. That's the other funny thing. I made this stupid list of things I wanted in a guy because I didn't want to settle for jerks anymore, but I didn't think I'd actually find someone who fit it. I mean, the list had things like must have an Italian last name, play an instrument, love film like I do, have an older sibling, be taller than me, etc. And so far, he's hit every one of those. It's amazing, actually.

Home life is good... Mom and dad have really let up on me lately. I think they've seen my recent attempts to get my life moving on the right track so they can back off. Mom saw one of my tattoos and had the calmest reaction ever to it. Dad found a box of condoms in my bedroom and just laughed about it. I came home at 9am from a party I passed out at and all they did was make me coffee and get me greasy breakfast sandwiches. These are all things I expected them to yell at me about...and they didn't. I assume it's because they trust me now. I actually feel bad when I spend too many nights out without seeing them. I also feel bad when I don't come home early enough to go to dinner with them sometimes because I know they would like me to be there. And Dad bought me a 32" HD flat screen with a new DVR for no reason at all while mom took time to clean out my closet in an effort to help me get organized. So, in exchange for their trust and investment in me I'm going to make an effort to spend as much time as possible with them.

The bedroom is coming along... Once I conceded to the fact that I would be staying with my parents for an indefinite amount of time, I decided to get on with organizing the mess in my room. As Heather once said, my room always looked like it was in transition and she was right. That's exactly what it was. I treated it as if I wasn't going to be there for more than a few more months when the truth is that I don't know how long I'll be living with my parents. So, after dad brought in the flat screen and my new DVR, I realized it looked horrible just sitting on top of my old bookshelf. I went to IKEA and bought a new one along with a new desk. Everything is simple looking this time around instead of clunky with a lot of storage space. I wanted to discourage my hoarding habit. I dragged the TV stand that my cousin left behind and set that up in the bookshelf's old place and had the new bookshelf placed in the corner near my closet. My futon was moved to line up with the new TV and my new desk has been assembled but the old one hasn't been taken out yet. I'm still in the process of throwing things out. When mom cleared out the closet for me to organize--I can now walk into my walk-in closet--I gave away everything I hadn't touched in forever and hung everything else up. All my stuffed animals were sorted and the ones that were left are on a small shelf in my closet. There's still a lot of junk in there but at least you can tell it's on it's way to being glamorous.

I found my old Barbie Dream House in the back of my closet... It was such a big part of my childhood that I didn't want to just hand it off to The Salvation Army. But I also didn't want to keep it so I gave it to Alaina, Emily and Julio's daughter from across the street. She was so excited when they told her I was bringing it over that when I was coming up their walkway I could see her face plastered in the window. Apparently, she had been spending all morning nursing her baby--a teddy bear--that was sick, but when I asked her to show me her room she just chucked the thing across the living room and ran upstairs. I loved that she loved it even though it was missing some pieces. I used to play with that Barbie Dream House whenever Emily came over while we were little girls so it's good to see it's continuing on in the family...sort of.


Day Twenty-One: A recipe.
I made a ton of these in the last couple months.Collapse )

I'm currently chillin' in my brother's office... My flight doesn't leave until 6pm tonight and Mark had to go to work so he figured I could just hang around 'til he could drop me off at SEA during his lunch hour. I'm using this time to update my resume and job hunt a little bit. The more I look, the more I see jobs I like but in places I don't want to move. I mean, Sony has some nice entry level stuff and so does Disney, but I really want to move to New York and I also don't think I want to be working for Disney anymore. I might have had my fill of them for awhile. Regardless, I am jumping headfirst into the career pool and I just hope that I don't break my neck and come up floating.


I'm in Sammamish!

Day Sixteen: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Hmm. I'm gonna go with Westlife's "Unbreakable" because when I hear it, I think of the music video for it. And that music video is definitely sad. It's not necessarily the saddest I've seen, but when paired with the song it's ridiculous.

Day Seventeen: An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)Collapse )

Day Eighteen: Whatever tickles your fancy.
If there's one thing I regret--and I don't like to regret a lot--it's that I should have gone more into computers. Now that I'm graduating, I realize that as much as I love my major, it would have been helpful to follow into something else that I liked that has more application in the world. At the very least, I should have taken some classes, if not minored in it.

I'm currently freezing in my brother's room... Okay, that's just an exaggeration. It's not too bad here. I'm just not wearing enough clothing since I just woke up and rolled out of bed. I flew in late last night and got to see my brother's roommate, Drew, who's a pretty cool guy. Just found out he got engaged to his awesome girlfriend, Christina. I hope I get an invite, though I doubt it because he's my brother's friend and all. I also got to meet my brother's new roommate who just moved in. He's wicked cute. Mark is at work today and left me to fend for myself with the warning not to lock myself out of the house. But tomorrow we're going to a cabin in the mountains to go snowboarding with his roommates and some of his friends from work. I wasn't planning on snowboarding since I haven't done it in ages, but my brother is demanding that I do it and that he'll reteach me. For now, I'm tempted to clean his room. His closet looks like it threw up on his floor. Maybe after I shower.

ginni: I have your mix CD and it's been ready to mail out forever but I'm horrible at making it to the post office. It'll be in the mail once I get back to LA on Monday though! With a little something extra for the holidays ;)

Latest Month

February 2012

.a little pick me up.

Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey, and his brown spots faded. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit any more, except to the Boy.

To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn't mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him Real, and when you are Real shabbiness doesn't matter.
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